Depression awareness

I am still shocked over a news I found out yesterday about a former college colleague of ours who died this week by committing suicide. It’s only 2 entries apart from my posting about the death of my cousin and I know my blog is going to become depressing, but I feel so sad about the news that I wanted to write it down. I didn’t know her very well before, we spoke a little during college, shared the same classes and went to a couple of parties together, but she was a person you could not not notice. Very bright, loud and joyful with that specific intelligent sparkle in her eyes. It’s so sad that she’s already gone without having enough time to show the world her brightness and intelligence.

I didn’t know before because we didn’t stay in touch at all, but she had a blog, parts of which I read yesterday. Really interesting writing, she was so very talented. I think a good part of it was written during her depression years, it is about her battle and it feels a bit depressing or maybe it is like that because we know she’s not here anymore and because her life’s end was so tragic, she lost the battle.

Rest in peace Ana, http://afreuda.wordpress.com

I wanted this post to be about her and about the disease that I dread so much and that doesn’t have merely enough awareness – depression. And about the way people look (judge) at other people who are affected by this disease.

You see, Ana was studying psychology during her last years, almost her entire blog is about this. Would you think that a shrink would be able to commit suicide? You wouldn’t expect that a girl who studies psychology would be able to be depressed, right? But would you expect a doctor that treats cancer patients, to get cancer? That of course it can happen, cancer can affect anyone.

And depression can affect anyone. It is a disease. It’s not a choice.

She knew she was sick, she didn’t see it like something was wrong with her, she was still the same person as before, but suffering from this disease. 

Her blog describes very well the way she felt and the pain that felt almost physical. It was like her brain was defected, she knew it was defected and that she has to fight it, but she just couldn’t control it. She took medications, consulted doctors and shrinks. She did everything.

What I am the most annoyed with is the way people look upon this disease.People that think it’s just a sign of weakness and if you “quit being stupid” you could easily snap out of it. Can you do that with cancer? WTF.

And the way people look upon the ones who die by committing suicide. Like it is a sin. Well, taking the word “sin” literally is a sin, but that is wrong. Depression is not a choice and thus taking your own life because you were affected by depression is not a choice. Why should this be a sin? Why should you condemn anyone because he was sick? Isn’t this just another discrimination created by old narrow minds?

Fact #1 about DK - Cycling in heels

It’s not uncommon in Denmark for women to cycle wearing heels and mini skirts. If you ever visited Copenhagen during the summer and if you’re a guy, this would have been probably one of the first things to notice.

And from my experience, it is far easier to ride in heels than walk in heels

Kelly Rowland

My new fav dance song.

Commander

And a tip for being able to listen on repeat (as I so annoyingly do): replace youtube with youtuberepeat in the song URL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w  ==> http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w

About V.

More than a year ago something happened that changed me. 13th of December 2008. It was the day that my cousin died. I’ve been thinking about that day a lot lately. Somehow I avoided it until recently. You ignore it and hope it will go away.

It wasn’t only the fact that he died when he was only 33 years old, but the way he died. He committed suicide.

My cousin and I were very close when we were little, like I was with almost all my cousins. In our family these bonds are very important and my cousins were always my best friends while I was growing up.
He was 6 years older than me, the oldest of us all. We were enjoying so much hanging out with him as he always had all these interesting things to tell and teach us. And he always had plans and dreams … of what he was going to do with his life…
He was the person who first taught me how to ride a bike. I remember how scared I was that day. He held the bike at all times while I was riding. After a while I got used to it and he was only holding just the side of the chair until, without me knowing it, he let me cycle alone. I managed to ride the bike without any help for exactly 10 seconds until I realized I didn’t have any support. And went straight into a bush But from then on, it wasn’t that difficult anymore ...
He was always joking and seemed to be the most stubborn and strong person you could imagine. I just cannot figure out how someone like that would be able to commit suicide. I thought that people who were choosing to do that must have been very weak. And he definitely wasn’t. He was also a very religious person and since the church is strongly against suicide, his act came more as a shock.

Lately I read a lot about depression and suicide and people who had to deal with this.
The reality is that depression is a very serious disease which is not taken seriously. In most cases people fit depression into the same category as a simple cold or flu. Something that is not serious and that will go away when the weather outside gets better. But without professional help, it rarely does, it almost never does. It isn’t something you can just snap out of by your own will. Without help it becomes deeper and deeper and although to the people around it might look like the person affected by it is getting better, he’s actually trying more and more to hide it. The depression that leads to suicide is characterized by deep despair and hopelessness for a very long time… So that the only way out seems to be death. The best article I found on depression is this one: http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
It helped me understand that this wasn’t something that he really wanted. It was just the disease. And the fact that this happened to him who was one of the strongest persons I knew, could only mean that this disease like any other disease can affect anyone and it’s not a shame to accept it and seek help.

Although I understand now what he went through, the pain doesn’t go away no matter how much I would read and understand over the subject. For the family and friends it’s even more difficult when someone dies by committing suicide. Besides the pain suffered over the loss, the feeling of guiltiness makes it worse. When something like this happens to someone close to you, you cannot not wonder “What if I..” Somehow, with his death, the despair and hopelessness has been transmitted to his friends and family … During the first months after, my heart was pounding every time I heard my phone ringing. I became more sensitive to all kinds of news. I wanted to put an end to my long distance relationship as soon as possible and spend all my time with my husband not only the few days a month we had before. I also considered many times to move back to Romania so that I could be as close as possible to my parents and sister.

It’s hard dealing with the death of someone close to you especially when it happened in a very very tragic way. This kind of event just makes you realize how powerless we are… But I think it would be a mistake to accept the powerless and surrender yourself to despair and depression... No matter how much we cannot control life and death, I think the best you can do is live your life in the best way you can … Do whatever you want whenever you like, break as many rules as possible and don’t be afraid.

After his death, we wanted to do something that would help us remember him not only through our own memories. I knew he was writing poems and we tried to look for them and  publish them but unfortunately they couldn’t be recovered. Maybe this is a reason why I started my own journal blog. Because I would have loved to have a journal of V. to read right now.

Miss you V.

Cafe Coyote y Cantina

This was the best place we ate at so far while in the US. Check out their site.
It's not a fancy restaurant, just a local San Diego restaurant (cantina) in the Old Town. We were there during an American football night, the place was packed with supporters (latinos and not only) who were drinking and eating nachos. It was noisy and cozy at the same time and finally one place where the AC was not on max power on.
I think all the waiters are Mexicans but they speak a perfect English.
The best thing about the place was the food and the tequila. A lot of tequila choices from $5 to around $100 a shot (it was more like a double shot actually).
They make the best and probably spiciest salsa sauce I have ever tasted and the tortilla soup was awesome. I never had tortilla soup before but with my upcoming cold and all (all this AC mania finally got to me) decided to try it. It’s a very interesting combination I wouldn’t thought it would work so good ever before. It’s a chicken broth with chicken pieces, lots of chili, tortilla noodles and … wait for it.. avocado and cheese. Pretty tasty and as everything spicy I’ve already put it on my fav’s list. Will try to make it at home.

Relationship theory

Rambling….
This is a theory I haven’t applied and I don’t intend to apply. I am happily married to the most wonderful man on Earth! And while I was probably one of the lucky ones to find the man with whom I will spend all my years from now on and knew that from our first dates :), there are so many people around me who just cannot seem to find the right person. And I’m just thinking that maybe in some cases there just isn’t the right one…
If we think about it, marriage, wedding and even the whole monogamy thing are just enforced upon us from early childhood by our parents, relatives, society in general. There isn’t actually anyone who can prove that after some point in your life you can be monogamous and spend the rest of your life with that one person – man or woman...
Maybe people weren’t supposed to function like that. And maybe the whole procreation thing wasn’t supposed to be like that. If you think about it, animals mate in general with several partners along their lives and have children with several partners. Maybe people should function the same way. There shouldn’t be one person you should look for but more along your whole life. You shouldn’t have children with only one man/woman but with many – along the life, not at the same time of course…
From a Darwinist point of view this could mean evolution. More genes will cross as you have children with more partners thus more chance for evolution!
So maybe, all those screwed up marriages are not as fucked up as they might seem but just the way things should work towards evolution. And if your parents don’t live together anymore and have other children, maybe this is the way things should be as well and you should be glad you are as unique as you can be. And maybe if it seems that you cannot find the right one, then maybe you should accept the idea that it’s all about the moment, there is a right one at this moment, but no one can guarantee that it will be the right one in 7 years… Of course this doesn’t mean that you can make all kinds of compromises just because you only think about the present and accept anyone… But Forever is such a hard word…
Bla bla

About Americans

 

We are spending our honeymoon in US – East and West coast. It is my fourth visit to US but the first one with my husband. We landed in New York and spent a couple of days there and then flew to Las Vegas and West coast. We’ve been in the US for about 10 days now and I think we’ve seen quite a sample of people while visiting the main cities on the east and west coast.

For me, 80% of the Americans look about the same, no matter if they’re woman or man. There is a certain limit of weight you can put on after which you just cannot look too much like your old self. You start to resemble another kind of people and lose most of your distinct face characteristics. That’s like 80% of the Americans no matter the skin color or gender. And then there is the other 20% of people who are probably expats, New York or LA people.

Every time I see one of the “weight challenged” Americans I cannot stop making the association in my head with all those fat people from Wall-E. Here’s what I am talking about…

And here’s an image of an American.

Can you spot the difference?

The California highways are full of commercials with numbers you can call for a lose weight program and the irony is that the people they use as models in those ads aren’t very lean either. The weight problem it’s so out of control that now an overweight person becomes a model. Most of the Americans are probably morbidly obese already. And that’s in California where I thought people should eat healthier (with all the sea food options and all…)

I think that’s one of the reasons I like Europe (Denmark especially) more. I love my organic low fat milk and cereals in the morning (I think I never ate so many eggs per day in my whole life –a normal omelet is made of 3 eggs here!), no junk sauce salads and organic fresh veggies and meat. US has a LOT of good points about it but food seems to not be one of them…

Continuing my research on that…